Failure Motivation: How to go from Shameful to Feeling Empowered
I’ll be sharing some mindset shifts + a Stay Positive Worksheet to help you feel empowered after failing or making mistakes. Be prepared for some failure motivation!
I’ll be sharing some mindset shifts you can adopt so you can feel motivated when you have ‘failed .’
You can download the Stay Positive worksheet below to help you get perspective (and feel empowered) when things go belly up.
Let’s get started!
I’ve failed miserably. Now what?
If you are a perfectionist, failing is like death. It’s embarrassing, mortifying and stomach-churningly shameful.
I’m not sure how you define failure.
Perhaps you did not achieve a goal you announced publicly. Maybe you started something and nobody showed up (ouch). Maybe you flopped badly during a presentation in front of your colleagues.
If we don’t make mistakes in life, we don’t learn.
‘Failures’ and mistakes mean we took a risk against our inner critic. Don’t let yourself be defined by your mistakes.
Besides, failures and mistakes are just ‘feedback’ that our strategies are not working.
If you want to feel calmer and less mortified about your mistakes, you can download the Stay Positive worksheet below.
You list down 3 valuable points your ‘failure’ has taught you. It sounds simple, but feels empowering if done right!
But everyone else thinks I’m a failure! How do I handle that?
Maybe you have accepted your mistake and moved on.
But you feel as though other people are still talking about you and your ‘mistake’.
My questions are...
Are people really talking about you? How long are they going to gossip and think about you? (clue: not very long)
Do some of them actually secretly admire your guts?
People are usually kind. They may even be sympathetic towards your ‘failure’.
Your life is your journey. Everybody’s journey is different. Some people can stick to a job for 20 years (good for them).
Some of us like to switch jobs and try new things. Some of us don’t like the 9-5. Some of us like doing volunteer work over working.
Some of us like to go out of our comfort zones and do things other people call ‘risky’ or a ‘waste of time.’
Successful people make more mistakes than the average person. Remember that.
Hence, it is okay to explore new things (and flop along the way).
Why did I fail?
Maybe you were not committed enough. If it makes sense, give yourself 3 years of commitment for any venture or job before calling it quits.
Maybe you were not 100% into the project. Some part of your psyche does not want you to succeed. “Because if I’m a success, I will have a new set of friends and lose my current friends.” So you hold yourself back to keep your relationships. Self sabotage, anyone?
My last words on ‘failure’…
If you want to stop feeling shameful whenever you make mistakes, you can download the Stay Positive worksheet.
It helps you gain perspective and feel more relaxed about your ‘failures’.
The more mistakes we make, the more we will learn.
Meanwhile, have a good week!
Shikah
(Free Worksheet) How to Stay Positive when Facing a Problem
If you want to learn how to stay positive when life gets hard, you can download the Stay Positive Mindset Shift worksheet here!
A few weeks ago, I received an email from one of my readers whom I will call ‘Carrie’.
There is a lot more to her email, but I will address 1 issue first: her mindset about her autoimmune disease.
Carrie is an attractive woman in her late 30s.
She feels inconvenienced by her autoimmune disease and it has held her back from living the kind of life she wants.
She also wants a relationship badly, but it does not seem to be happening right now.
I racked my brain thinking about a shortcut to make women like Carrie feel positive when life throws lemons at us.
In short, we need a mindset shift.
The Stay Positive Mindset Shift worksheet
This worksheet sounds simple. But trust me, it can change your perspective and make you feel empowered almost instantly.
When to apply this Stay Positive Mindset Shift worksheet:
I will recommend you to do this exercise AFTER you have accepted the unwanted event(s) in your life.
Don’t do this exercise when you are still feeling raw, in pain or in grief. We want our answers to be objective in this exercise.
How to do this Stay Positive Mindset Shift worksheet:
If you best friend has the same problem as you, how would you help her complete this worksheet?
That is one way to help you visualise how to use this worksheet.
Sometimes, we have to be downright creative. If you have a really bad problem, dig deep and be as creative as you can to find its positive aspects. Or get a good friend to help you with this exercise.
You can revisit this worksheet and re-do it again as the months pass.
Your perspective may change as time goes on. It’s quite interesting to see how our mindset and perspective shift over time.
An example for you
For this Stay Positive Mindset Shift worksheet, you will be required to list 3 positive points for every issue that you have.
For Carrie, these are 3 positive points about her health issue:
Positive #1: Her health issue has led her to live a healthier lifestyle. She has to be gluten-free, vegan and exercise regularly. Her body will thank her in the long run.
Positive #2: Carrie feels very motivated to chase her personal goals. She may realise that life is short and she feels inspired to start the activities which she has procrastinated upon all these years.
Positive #3: Carrie may learn to be more present and be in the moment. This will lead her to enjoy life more and be more relaxed.
There are many ways to be creative with this exercise.
To help you stay positive when facing life’s problems, you can download the Stay Positive Mindset Shift worksheet below:
If you want to share a mindset or self-esteem issue that you have, you can click the button below:
I will address it in my blog post or email newsletter if time permits! (your name and details will be confidential, of course).
Have a good week!
Shikah
(Free Printable) 25 Ideas to Start Intentional Living
I created a printable, 25 Days of Intentional Living, to help you kick-start your intentional living journey. I hope these activities will help you be more present in your everyday life!
When I wrote How to Start Intentional Living and Feel in Control of Your LIfe: 5 Ways, I didn’t know many people are interested in this topic. Many people are keen to know how to be more present amidst the hustle and bustle of everyday life.
You can learn 5 strategies to be intentional if you have a busy lifestyle in this blog post.
Because many of us are practical and like to take action, I created the printable below: 25 Days of Intentional Living.
How do I use this printable?
If you are ambitious, you can aim for 1 activity a day.
If you like taking things slow (like myself), you can intentionally choose which activities you would like to do for this month.
And circle those activities on the printable when you are done!
You can download the 25 Days of Intentional Living printable below!
A 25-Day Intentional Living List to kick-start your intentional living journey.
unplug for 1 hour before bedtime
write down 3 things to accomplish tomorrow
Focus on your lunch without your phone
savour a mug of coffee slowly without phones (and people)
do a 15-minute yoga sequence from YouTube (eg: Yoga with Adrienne)
write in your journal for 10 minutes or more
wake up 30 minutes earlier + enjoy your shower and getting dressed
meditate for 20 minutes (eg. Jason Stephenson on YouTube)
read a book for 15 minutes or more with your phone away
go out for a walk in nature for 15 mins or more
enjoy playing with your pet or child for 15 minutes with no screens around
put your phone away whilst in a cab or subway and observe the people + sights around you
have lunch with a friend (or by yourself) and keep your phone in your bag the whole time
do intuitive walking.
cook or bake something you are excited about
enjoy a long, hot shower
read a magazine or newspaper from cover to cover
create a vision board for next year’s goals
have tea or lunch at a cafe you have always wanted to try
take a short trip (solo or not) to somewhere you’ve always wanted to go
mask, wash + blow dry your hair slowly and enjoy the process
unsubscribe from emails + unfollow IG accounts you don’t enjoy
create something you enjoy. (a hp wallpaper, a blog article, a video)
listen to motivational podcasts or audiobooks you enjoy
mindfully eat a meal which nourishes your body
I would like to know which of these 25 activities will work for you!
If you like another hands-on approach, you can check out my TOP 7 intentional living worksheets which you can download for free!
Meanwhile, have a good week.
Shikah
(Free Printable) How to Overcome Fear 1 Step at a Time
Use The Bravery Ladder method to help yourself (or a loved one) overcome fear 1 step at a time.
If you are a parent, your child can use this method to overcome fear of public speaking, speaking up in class and performing onstage, amongst others.
This method takes time though - it’s not a quick fix. But it’s a worthwhile journey!
Stress and fear trigger the fight-or-flight response in us.
It’s tempting to skip all situations which make us stressed or anxious.
However, this is not helpful. Whenever you are put in the same types of situation, the same anxiety and fear will creep up.
Avoiding a stressful or fearful situation will give us relief from feelings of anxiety and stress.
But, if we continue avoiding such situations, our brains will link avoidance with anxiety relief.
The result?
We continue avoiding those stressful or fearful situations for ALL of our lives.
How to use The Bravery Ladder to Overcome Fear Slowly
I have a mindset tool (The Bravery Ladder) which you can use.
Experts recommend 'graded exposure' which means, experiencing your stressful situations one baby step at a time.
For example: Let’s say Linda has a fear of public speaking. Let’s see how we can use ‘graded exposure’ using The Bravery Ladder method.
Ask Linda to write her LEAST FEARED activity at Level 1 leading all the way up to the MOST FEARED activity at Level 6 (which is public speaking).
You can look at the example below.
Linda can expose herself to the Level 1 activity first for 4-5 times a week.
Or until her anxiety about the Level 1 activity reduces to about 50%. Whichever comes first.
Then she will move on to the Level 2 activity (which is, giving a presentation in front of the sister). Similarly, she will do this 4-5 times a week or until her anxiety for this Level 2 activity dies down by 50%. Whichever comes first.
This will go on until she reaches Level 6.
As you can see, this method takes time. It's definitely not a quick fix.
The outcome for this tool is to confront stressful or feared situations gradually until feelings of stress and anxiety dip.
Now is your turn to share The Bravery Ladder to overcome your own fear.
I've created a blank The Bravery Ladder worksheet for you. You can download it below.
Hope it helps!
(Free Printable) How to Handle a Stressful Situation
I know there are some of us who ‘beat ourselves up’ when we make mistakes.
We get self-critical, unforgiving and start having unworthy thoughts when mistakes happen.
Hence, I’ve created a mindset worksheet here which helps you reframe your thoughts when you (or your child) experience something stressful.
I wrote this entry because I am surrounded by friends who are stressed.
My friends are working in high-flying jobs which take up a lot of their energy and time.
They have Sunday blues. Some go for short getaways almost every weekend to ‘escape’ the stress.
I know there are some of us who ‘beat ourselves up’ when we make mistakes.
We get self-critical, unforgiving and start having unworthy thoughts when mistakes happen.
I have a mindset worksheet here which helps you reframe your thoughts when you experience something stressful.
It’s helpful for that occasional time when you ‘screw up’, make mistakes and start having downward-spiralling thoughts.
4 Step-by-Step Actions to Handle a Stressful Situation
Our feelings are controlled by our thoughts.
To change unpleasant feelings to happier, more uplifting feelings, we need to change our thoughts.
How do we do that?
Not to worry, I’ve created the Pause Perfectionism Worksheet (click to download) to make it easier for you.
I named it Pause Perfectionism because self-critical thoughts are partly caused by perfectionism.
The above is an example of how to complete the Pause Perfectionism Worksheet.
You can download the Pause Perfectionism Worksheet below.
There are 4 sections to this worksheet and each section requires action from you.
Action Step 1: Pinpoint the Problem
What is the situation causing you to be self-critical?
You did not finish a project on time?
Your colleagues laughing or being critical of your idea during a meeting?
Your boss telling you your presentation was not up to standard?
Your client got angry because he or she was not satisfied with your work?
Your colleagues giving you ‘constructive feedback’ about your work?
Action Step 2: Acknowledge your Feelings about the situation
Be honest with yourself. (Don’t be in denial.)
Write down in the Feelings column if you feel ashamed, angry, hurt, vulnerable.
Some of us feel uncomfortable admitting that we feel ashamed and hurt.
If so, ask yourself: “Why am I uncomfortable admitting that I feel hurt/ embarrassed/ like a failure?”
Is it because you think admitting to your feelings is a sign of weakness?
On the contrary, it takes strength to be vulnerable in front of others and risk being seen as a wimp.
Action Step 3: What Self-critical Thoughts are causing those feelings?
Feelings are controlled by thoughts.
If you can reframe your thoughts, you can change your feelings. It sounds simple, but it’s not easy to do.
You have to dig deep and identify your perfectionistic thoughts linked to your feelings.
Write those self-critical thoughts in the Self-Critical Thoughts column.
For example:
“My superior thinks I’m lousy.”
“Can’t believe I’m making mistakes again. Very typical. Always making mistakes.”
“They didn’t give me that project because they don’t think I’m capable enough to handle it.”
“My superior praised me today because he was in a good mood - my work wasn’t that great.”
“I did my best, but it’s still not good enough. I’m incompetent. I think I’m the slowest worker in the office. Maybe my colleagues are talking about me behind my back! That is so embarrassing - I can’t face anyone like this.”
For me, I’ve always linked mistakes with being useless.
I was brought up thinking we have to be productive every single time, which is common for Asian cultures.
I hated being ‘useless’ or a deadweight anywhere.
I’ve come a long way in embracing my own self-worth which is still an ongoing journey for me.
But that’s another topic for another time.
Action Step 4: Replace those self-critical thoughts with New Forgiving Thoughts
Looking at matters from a big perspective helps.
If your boss said your presentation sucked, it could be that you were distracted by things happening in your personal life. Thus, you were not focused at work.
Or maybe you did a shoddy job because you were too busy to prepare the presentation at length. You said ‘yes’ to too many requests and had too much on your plate.
Maybe you did not get work done because you wanted it to be ‘perfect’. You were waiting for the ‘perfect’ time when you have all your materials ready before starting. Hence, you procrastinated.
It’s not because you are incompetent!
Or maybe...your boss was not in a good mood that day. ;)
Create new self-loving thoughts to replace those self-critical ones.
Some examples:
“Making mistakes is common. Even (insert competent colleague’s name) has made mistakes before. I can do a better job next time!”
“I’m being self-critical right now. Time to step back, take a few deep breaths and steady my thoughts.”
You should feel lighter, breathe easier and feel calmer after embracing those self-loving and forgiving thoughts.
Download the Pause Perfectionism Worksheet
To help you transform and be less harsh on yourself at work, you can download the Pause Perfectionism Worksheet I’ve prepared below.
Also, share this article with your friends and followers if you find this useful - and help them to handle stress too!